I think I slept pretty well last night, probably my mind turned off thinking about the inevitable event today. Or maybe the Fear Less techniques were starting to kick in and I learnt to control the creativity part to steer the brain to imagining positive outcomes rather then negative ones.
Woke up today, trying to fight the negative feelings. Kept thinking what was going to happen, and what if the PT wanted to ask more information, where could I provide them? Although I provided the schedule of payments to the best of my abilities, I was afraid that she would challenge me to it. Although it was genuine. I guess I shouldn’t fear because I had numbers backing me up. But still. .
Anyway, I was really trying to control my breathing techniques as taught in the book. It worked somehow I guess. But then I had company too (which was thankfully there, as it got me through).
But like what the book mention, 90% of the times things that we imagine didn’t happen. I didn’t even get to meet the PT. The commissioner came in and bore witness to the documents that I had to sign and 2 minutes out, I was out of the office.
Not too sure if I was happy then it was over, or was I happy that he didn’t ask any questions, maybe both?
However, I still told the assistant that I wanted to speak to the PT to explain my situation and my reasoning for the numbers that I had proposed. People who look at numbers on the surface will not understand why some numbers were proposed in a certain way. I hope to make the PT understand my unique situation and also my sincerity in trying to clear whatever items I have.
Frankly, although the inevitable news was out about 8 months ago, on hindsight, it wasn’t that bad. Yes, the freedom is restricted, yes you are incurring a legal status change, yes you made a mistake and it got published. But, the rest of them do not come and disturb like before. Both the letters and the physical contact. I guess its a relief like what the CCS person mentioned.