Have you ever wonder why you struggle through something? Is it to make you stronger, to make you realise your limits and how to break through it? Or is it meant to beat you down and make you realise how stupid you were for dreaming and thinking about climbing up?
Currently going through such a big challenge and struggle that it is not even funny. Yes, I got through the experience and it wasn’t a pleasant one. I guess I could say that the whole situation is not exactly over yet but I don’t know how deep I am in the tunnel. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel yet. I am just trudging along, in the dark and damp tunnel, stepping into potholes that I cannot see, or stepping on something slippery and falling down. I guess when you fall down often enough, you then to walk in a couching manner, always cautious, always careful. But sometimes shit happens.
3 days ago, I was just wondering to myself how am I going to go through the event – with limited or non-existent funds due to the client flow pipeline being stuck (with the usual reasons – change jobs, pay delays blah blah) and somehow we got through it, albeit with a lot of scratches and bruises. The nightmare is not over yet, but at least the case is closed with customer satisfaction (which I guess its the most important thing).
I fell sick. Perhaps over the last week due to me pushing myself over the limit for the exam, over gym, and sleeping erratically due to worries over the event. I tell myself I am never doing this again. This is detrimental to health for sure. And the money isn’t worth it.
Was pretty pissed off yesterday at the crew. Nothing was done on time and it seems as though they were new on the job (which they have been for the last 5 years). I had to swoop in and solve issues, amongst the main issues that were on my mind. I was so stressed. I was feeling so defeated. How did we get to this stage?
7 years ago, would I choose this route again? Definitely not, but of course, words like these need to tamper with reason – that is, yes I think I have increased my propensity to respond to stress, I have learnt to sell things, I have learnt to deal with customers and I can clearly run an event confidently and I know the routines and customs – all which is great, but I find it all so tiring – everyday is fire fighting day, solving problems left right center.
My lecturer in my 3 days class mentions that stress is something that you personally have control over. You can choose what items will cause you stress.
I am still learning how to do that.